Indecisiveness

I have always been plagued with indecisiveness. I say plagued, but it's been a choice, not something cast upon me. Feelings of inferiority and low self esteem play into it. There have always been so many things I have been interested in, but I could never make up my mind to follow through with any of them. I hate to fail, yet, I always expect I will. Where's God's glory in that? Nowhere! Through Him we can do all things.

As I have mentioned, I am not pleased in my current job, neither is my husband with his. Since we are trying one last-ditch effort in trying to conceive for awhile, I am going to see how it pans out before I make any further plans about school. If I do get pregnant, I don't want to spend my time in a classroom, when I could be at home with my precious baby that I have fought so hard for! I pray for God's guidance. I've prayed for acceptance, and I have gotten it. I feel better overall, though, there are still hard days understandably. I just want His will to be done and I want the strength to do what I need to do for it. Honestly, it's kind of a scary notion. But He does know best and if I just follow Him, it will all work out.

48 Days to the Work You Love

I am a fan of Dave Ramsey. He seems like such a genuine, kind, intelligent Christian man. I watched his show today and he mentioned a book by Dan Miller called, 48 Days to the Work You Love. It has reinforced what I have realized only recently. I shouldn't hate my job. I shouldn't work where I am not fulfilled. Why can't I have a career/job/work that I do actually like? God doesn't want us to be miserable. Life is much too short for that. I really want to do something with my talents and gifts. While infertility may not be a complete blessing in itself, it definitely has brought many things to light that I never would have noticed otherwise. I have more compassion and am more understanding of people, just because they are different. If I hadn't gone through this, I would likely have been one of the most ignorant people out there. People take fertility and the miracle of conception for granted. I know if I had been blessed with a more cooperative body that I would have been one of them.

I have been praying and thinking a bit more lately about what I want to do "when I grow up". I am really wanting to be a family/infertility counselor. I don't want to think I've been through this for nothing. If I can help someone else through this difficult journey, then I would love to be able to. Lord willing, I will be able to start back to school in the spring. I need this. I need a sense of fulfillment. My current job does not offer it. I do not like what I do and I am ready for a change.

"The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a wounded spirit who can bear?"
Proverbs 18:14

Take the Good and the Bad

I've been through the emotional ringer with infertility and the passing of my father-in-law this year. Things have started to look up for me lately, though. We have new tenants in our house in Okla.homa. That is a huge blessing and a relief. We closed on this house in Montg.omery this week as well. We own two houses again. At least we got a very good deal on this one. Having all that accomplished, as well as having a better grip on my infertility, I have been feeling quite good lately. It's been such a very long time since I have felt so good for so long. I loved it!

A meeting at work Friday proceeded to crash that good mood. I won't go into details, but suffice it to say, a couple of the workers seem to have it against my husband (they are mother and daughter) and try to play it that everyone else doesn't like him, and they try to stand up for him. The meeting was awful and one of the worst experiences I've had in such a long time. Ugh.

Going through that made me realize I must remember to give all these things over to God. When times are good, I need to praise Him. When times are bad I need to praise Him and lay all my worries at His feet. That helps tremendously!

I haven't been as diligent about reading my Bible like I should be. I think I will take this time to do so.

Until next time...

God bless.

No Greater Joy

My friend told me about this site. She got me interested in reading the books. I may have to do just that! Now if only I could get my husband to read along with me.

Welcome to my blog!

Many of you may know about my (our) struggle to conceive. We started this journey in January of 2006. It has been quite the hardship. It has challenged everything I thought I knew. It has challenged my Faith. Sadly, I have let my Faith be beaten by this. It is time for a turn-around. I am starting this blog for my friends and family to get a glimpse of what it's like to walk in the shoes of someone who's reproductively challenged.

I hope to get to start strengthening my Faith and walk with God. I've let my pain get in the way for far too long. God has been so good to me. I've always known that. The pain, anger and depression has clouded my view. The clouds are slowly parting and I can allow myself to see His light again. It's such a great feeling!
I hope to share my thoughts and am using this as a tool to help me delve deeper into God's word. I will share what I am reading. You are more than welcome to do the same! I appreciate any thoughts you have.

God bless.